رخت‌شورخانه

Chapter two

The Launderette

A lot of Mr. Bean’s clothes were dirty.

‘I’ll go to the launderette this morning, ‘ he thought. ‘I’ll take the car. ‘

He put his dirty clothes into a very large black bag, and took the bag out to his car. He put it inside. Then he got in and drove to the launderette.

The launderette wasn’t very busy that morning. Before Mr. Bean arrived, there were only two women there. The younger woman was with the launderette manager.

‘I’ve got to wash a lot of clothes, ‘ the young woman said to the manager. ‘I’ll want a big washing machine.’

‘This is one of our bigger machines,’ said the manager. ‘Use this. ‘

At that minute, Mr. Bean arrived. He had the black bag on his back, and he couldn’t get it through the launderette door.

‘Oh’ he said.

He pulled and he pushed. He pushed and he pulled. In the end, he got the bag inside. He took it across to one of the washing machines.

‘Money,’ he thought. ‘I want two one-pound coins for the washing machine. ‘

He took two one-pound coins out of his jacket and put them on the top of the machine.

But then Mr. Bean saw a note above the washing machine: Machines now cost 3 pounds.

‘Oh, no’ thought Mr. Bean. ‘Have I got another one-pound coin?’

He looked in his jacket and his trousers, but he could only find a five-pence coin. He put this on top of the washing machine.

Then Mr. Bean remembered something. He did have another one-pound coin, but.

He looked round.

The young woman was next to the big washing machine.

Mr. Bean saw her putting some clothes into it. The launderette manager was busy in his little office.

‘Nobody’s watching me, ‘ thought Mr. Bean. ‘Good. ‘

He opened the front of his trousers. Then he started to pull out some string.

The young woman turned suddenly and saw Mr. Bean pulling the string out of his trousers.

‘What is that man doing,’ she thought.

Mr. Bean saw her looking and turned away quickly.

But now the older woman looked at him. Her eyes opened wide. ‘That’s a strange man, ‘ the woman thought. ‘He’s got string inside his trousers!’

On the end of the string was some paper, and inside the paper was a one-pound coin. Mr. Bean smiled.

He took the coin out of the paper and put it on the top of the washing machine. Then he put the five-pence coin back into his jacket.

Next, he opened the washing machine.

A man came into the launderette with a bag of dirty clothes under his arm. He was young and strong. When he saw Mr. Bean, he smiled.

But it wasn’t a nice smile. He didn’t say ‘Hello’ or ‘Good morning’. He pushed Mr. Bean away from the washing machine.

‘What-‘ began Mr. Bean.

Then the young man pushed Mr. Bean’s one-pound coins on to the next machine.

Mr. Bean was angry. He turned round to speak angrily - but then he saw the young man taking a white karate suit out of his bag.

‘A karate suit’ thought Mr. Bean. ‘So he can fight. Perhaps I won’t say anything. ‘

The young man pushed his white karate suit into the washing machine. Then he put some money into the machine and sat down on a chair. He took a magazine out of his bag and began to read.

Mr. Bean started to put his clothes into his washing machine. There were some pairs of underpants.

‘Monday,’ he said, and he put one pair into the machine. ‘Tuesday’ He put the next pair into the machine. ‘Thursday. Friday. Saturday.’ Three pairs went into the machine.

Mr. Bean stopped.

‘Wednesday’ he thought. ‘Where are Wednesday’s underpants? Oh, it’s Wednesday today, and I’m wearing them!’

What could he do? He had to wash them, so he had to take them off. He looked round.

‘Where can I go,’ he thought.

There was a partition near the washing machines.

‘I’ll go behind that, ‘ he thought.

He started to walk to the partition, but the young man put his legs across the floor. He wanted to make Mr. Bean angry. But Mr. Bean remembered the karate suit.

The man could fight! He walked round the young man’s legs and said nothing.

He went behind the partition and carefully took off his brown trousers.

The young woman put some of her clothes into one of the very big washing machines. The other clothes were on the top of a smaller machine near the partition.

She didn’t watch her clothes very carefully. She didn’t see Mr. Bean put a hand round the partition. And she didn’t see him put his brown trousers down with her clothes.

Mr. Bean took off his underpants - Wednesday’s underpants. Then he put his hand round the partition. He took something - but it wasn’t his brown trousers.

It was a long brown skirt.

Mr. Bean put on the skirt and came out from behind the partition. He walked back to his washing machine.

The young woman took the brown trousers from the top of the smaller washing machine. She didn’t look at them. She put them into the big machine. Next, she shut the door of the machine and took a magazine. Then she sat down on a chair near the dryers and started to read. She had her back to Mr. Bean, so she didn’t see him wearing her skirt.

Mr. Bean put his Wednesday underpants into his washing machine. Then he closed the door and put in his three one-pound coins.

He sat down on a chair - and saw the skirt!

‘Oh, no’ he thought. ‘What’s this? A skirt? Where are my trousers?’

The young man walked past and Mr. Bean tried to hide the skirt with his hands.

‘I don’t want him to see me in this skirt,’ he thought. ‘What will he think?’

The young man went across to a machine on the wall and bought a cup of conditioner.

Mr. Bean got up and went back to the partition. He looked at the washing machine next to it and remembered the young woman’s clothes.

‘She put my trousers in the big washing machine with her things’ he thought.

He went across to the big washing machine and tried to open it. But he couldn’t do it.

‘I’ll have to wait, ‘ he thought, and he walked back to his chair.

The young man put his cup of conditioner on the top of his washing machine. Then he looked at Mr. Bean - and saw the skirt. He started to laugh.

Mr. Bean looked away quickly. He got his black bag - and a pair of underpants fell out of it.

‘Oh, Sunday’s underpants,’ he said.

He tried to stop his washing machine and open the door. But the machine didn’t stop.

‘What can I do,’ he thought. He looked down at the skirt. ‘I know! I’ll wear Sunday’s underpants under this skirt! That’s a good idea. ‘

He looked round, then went across to the conditioner machine, away from the other people. Carefully, he started to put on Sunday’s underpants. He put his feet into them and - suddenly, he couldn’t pull them up. He couldn’t move them. There was a strange foot on them!

It was the young man’s foot.

Mr. Bean turned round and saw the young man laughing at him. Mr. Bean wanted to shout, ‘Go away, you stupid man!’ but he was too afraid.

After a minute, the young man laughed again and went back to his chair.

Mr. Bean quickly pulled up Sunday’s underpants. He was angry.

‘I don’t like people laughing at me,’ he thought, and he looked at the young man. ‘What can I do to him? I can’t fight him. He’s too strong. ‘ Then he had an idea.

There was a coffee machine next to the machine for conditioner. Mr. Bean went across to it and got a cup of black coffee. He smiled and walked back to his washing machine with the coffee.

The young man’s eyes were on his magazine. He didn’t look at Mr. Bean or the washing machine.

‘Now’ thought Mr. Bean

And he quickly changed the young man’s cup of conditioner for his cup of black coffee. Then he carried the cup of conditioner to his chair and sat down.

He smiled. ‘That will teach him a lesson,’ he thought.

After a minute, the young man stood up and went to his machine. He had to put the conditioner into it now. He stood next to the machine and laughed at Mr. Bean’s skirt. So he didn’t look at the cup when he put the ‘conditioner’ into the top of his washing machine.

But, of course, it wasn’t conditioner. It was black coffee.

Mr. Bean tried not to laugh.

The young man sat down in his chair again and looked across at his washing machine. There was a window in the door, and the young man could see his white karate suit going round and round in the water. But the suit wasn’t white now. It was brown!

‘What-‘ he shouted.

He jumped up. He ran across to the cup and looked inside it. Then he put it to his nose and smelled it.

‘Coffee’ he shouted. Then he looked across at Mr. Bean. ‘Did you. ?’

Mr. Bean didn’t answer, but his face said, ‘Who, me?’ He pretended to drink his cup of ‘coffee’. But it wasn’t coffee, it was conditioner.

The young man went to find the launderette manager. Mr. Bean stopped drinking and said, ‘Aaaagh!’

The young man showed the brown karate suit to the launderette manager. ‘What’s wrong, sir,’ said the manager.

‘This karate suit was white when I came in here, ‘ said the young man. ‘Now look at it!’

‘What did you do to it,’ said the manager.

‘Me, I didn’t do anything to it,’ said the young man, angrily. He pulled the manager across to his washing machine. ‘This is your machine. Is that right?’

‘Y-yes, ‘ said the manager. The young man showed him the karate suit again.

‘This cost me two hundred pounds’ he said. ‘What are you going to do about it?’

‘Er - will you come to my office please, sir’ said the manager. ‘We can talk about it there. ‘

Mr. Bean sat opposite a large dryer. His underpants and other things were in the machine. They were clean now, and nearly dry. Mr. Bean waited.

After a minute, the dryer stopped. He got up and opened the door. Then he started to take out his clothes.

A minute or two later, the young woman came to the next dryer and started to take out her clothes. They were dry, too.

‘Perhaps my trousers are in there’ thought Mr. Bean. The young woman took some clothes out of the machine and put them into a bag. Then she went back to the big washing machine for her other clothes.

Mr. Bean moved quickly. He started to look through her clothes for his trousers, but he couldn’t find them.

‘Where are they,’ he thought. ‘They’re here somewhere. Wait a minute! Perhaps she left them in the dryer.’

So he looked inside it. First, he put his head into the machine. ‘I can’t see anything,’ he thought. ‘It’s too dark.’ Next, he climbed into the machine.

The young woman was busy at the big washing machine. She didn’t see Mr. Bean climb into the dryer. Then she took something out of the big washing machine. Her eyes opened wide.

‘What’s this,’ she thought. ‘A pair of trousers. I haven’t got any brown trousers.’

She threw them on to one of the other washing machines, then she took her clothes across to the dryer.

Mr. Bean was inside the dryer. ‘Where are my trousers,’ he thought.

Suddenly, the woman’s washing began to fly into the machine - a skirt, a dress and some shirts.

‘What-‘ began Mr. Bean.

Then the dryer door shut with a BANG!

‘Oh, no’ thought Mr. Bean. He turned and climbed back to the door. ‘Help’ he shouted through the window in the door. ‘There’s somebody in here!’

But the woman couldn’t hear him. She took a pound coin and put it into the dryer.

Mr. Bean hit the window in the dryer door. Bang, Bang! But nobody heard him.

‘I can’t get out’ he shouted.

Suddenly, it was very hot inside the dryer. There was a noise - and the machine started!

The clothes began to go round and round!

And Mr. Bean began to go round and round, and round, and round.