لباس زرد

CHAPTER TEN

The yellow dress

For a long time after Carl had finished his story I said nothing. We sat in the corner of the pub and drank our beer. It was nearly time for the pub to close. Carl looked out of the window. He seemed to be a long way away. I was thinking about what Carl had told me. I had some questions to ask but I didn’t want to hurt Carl. He’d been hurt enough. In the end it was Carl who started speaking again.

‘What are you thinking, John?’ he asked. ‘Are you thinking what a stupid man I was to let a woman like Linda go? Well, you’re right, but what could I do? You know, I left that day and drove back to London. I didn’t want to stay there. After what Linda told me I didn’t feel it was my house any more. I’ve never been back to Little Moreton, to that house.’

I answered slowly. ‘No, I don’t think you are stupid to let Linda go. She’d decided that was what she was going to do. It was too late.’ I hoped that I hadn’t said too much to my friend. But Carl only heard what he wanted to hear.

‘Yes, you’re right. I should have seen what was happening a long time before. I shouldn’t have let her buy that house. That place took her away from me. She said she didn’t love this man at first, didn’t she? It was the house and the countryside that she loved. And as for that mad Tom. Maybe if he hadn’t died Linda would have come home with me. She thought it was her fault, you know. So she stayed because she felt sorry for his brother…’

I looked at Carl in surprise. Did Carl really believe this? But Carl went on: ‘If only I had made her stay at home. That friend of hers, Melissa, she wasn’t good for Linda. I’m sure she said bad things about me. I think she told Linda she should leave me. Linda still loves me. I know that. I will get her back in the end. You just wait and see.’

I wasn’t sure what to say. Perhaps Carl didn’t think it was his fault that Linda had left. Perhaps Carl didn’t think it was anything to do with him. I was worried about my friend. I decided I had to say something to try and help Carl to understand what had happened.

‘Carl, I’m very sorry that Linda’s left you. But, you know, it sounds as if things had been wrong between you and Linda for a long time before she left you. Don’t you think it would be a good idea to forget about her? You are still young. There are lots of other girls, aren’t there?’

‘John, you don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know what happened. You don’t understand about Linda and me. I told you my story because I thought you’d understand. Now all you can say is she’s never coming back…’ Carl looked out into space, thinking. I don’t think he really believed what he was saying either.

‘Yes, you’re right,’ he said after a few minutes. ‘It’s over. It’s been over for a while, even though I still think about it a lot… Thanks, John,’ he said.

‘What for?’ I asked.

‘For listening to the story. It’s helped me a lot. It’s helped me to realise that I must move on, that I must start again. I didn’t see the problems with Linda. I made mistakes. I didn’t give her time. I worked too much… I don’t work much these days. The company I worked for didn’t want me. They thought I’d changed…’

We finished our beer. The pub was closing and we walked out into the night air together.

‘Thanks again for listening,’ Carl said.

‘Don’t mention it. Listen, call me, will you? Let’s meet up again soon.’ I gave him a card with my phone number on it. Then I watched him as he walked away. After he turned the corner the barman came out of the pub with a bag in his hand.

‘Is this your bag?’ he asked.

‘No,’ I said.

‘Well, it was at the table where you were sitting,’ the barman said and gave me the bag. I looked inside it. There was a yellow dress.

‘It’s my friend’s bag,’ I said to the barman. ‘Thanks.’ I ran down the road after Carl, but I couldn’t see him anywhere. He’d gone.

I realised then that I had no idea where Carl lived and I didn’t have his phone number. I looked in the bag again and pulled out the yellow dress. There was something else in there. At the bottom of the bag was a pair of small yellow shoes. One of the shoes was dirty.

I took the bag home that night. The next day I went back to the pub and gave my name and phone number to the barman.

‘If my friend comes in looking for his bag, will you call me immediately?’ I said.

But the barman never did ring and I haven’t seen Carl since then. I thought perhaps that he might have gone mad like poor Tom. Then I realised that he might have left the bag in the pub on purpose. Perhaps Carl had been carrying the yellow dress and shoes around with him everywhere, but if he wanted to move on, to start a new life, he had to leave them behind. So I kept the bag with the yellow dress and shoes. Just in case.

Not long ago, I got married. We bought a house in the country. When I was packing my things I found the bag with the yellow dress and shoes. I hadn’t seen Carl again but I hadn’t forgotten his sad story. I didn’t want to throw the bag away. Then one day my wife was cleaning the bedroom and she found the bag. I told her the story of Linda and Carl. When she asked me why I had kept the bag I thought for a moment and said:

‘So that I never forget how easy it is to lose the things you love.’ We both laughed, but we also knew there was some truth in it.